Bob Schneider Lyrics

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Baby Put Your Panties On
Banana Berry Song
Bannannanilla
Beans
Beatomatic
Bed Rope Crazy
The Bee Got to Bumble
Better
Big Blue Sea
Big Butts and Blow Jobs
Big Ole Monster
Big Wild World
Blue
Blue Skies for Everyone
Bombananza
bones
Boom Boom Baby
Brand New Life
Budokahn
Bullet Proof Body Rubber
Bullets
Burn California Burn
Buttpussy

Baby Put Your Panties On

Lyrics by Bob Schneider

Strawberry pizza flavored lifesaver lover
Hold me a little tighter honey underneath the covers
I got a holographic heart shaped muscle in my chest
That needs a little loving and I know you do it best but

Baby put your panties on and lets go out tonight
This couch potato leisure suit I’m wearing’s getting tight
The lemon yellow Oldsmobile is waiting right outside
So baby put your panties on and let’s go out tonight

We’ll have a good time
Baby yes we will
I know we’re getting older but we’re not over the hill
Let’s have a good time
We’ve got some time to kill
Let’s forget about our troubles all the headaches and the bills

The way you wear a smile around me makes me want to say
Baby that I love you but my tongue gets in the way
You know there’s nothing I’d like more than spend my time with you
So let’s go paint this town up like the way we used to do

Monroe and Cleopatra, Cindy Crawford and Brooke Shields
Were known for being beautiful and having sex appeal
And sure I’ve dreamt about ‘em maybe masturbated too
But all of them I swear pale in comparison to you sooo

Banana Berry Song

I dig banana berries baking in the sun
And the choco chocolade from the ice cream gun
And the little red roses as they march down the lane
And the jangly jangly glass all in my brain

Let's run through the valley with our heads on fire
Roll up another try to get a little higher
Sink into the sun while we roll on the ground
Have a little fun and watch the world go round

Now I’ve been sitting in the cat box seat
With some hot Korean mama rubbin oils on my feet
While a chorus of angels was singing soft and sweet
And the sound of sirens was seeping in from the street

Now I’m a big baby bear but I don't mind
Cause I know how to leave my trouble's far behind
You take a big cup of sugar and a whole lotta love
And I get down on my knees and thank the lord above

Bannannanilla

Lyrics by Bob Schneider

It was something that would not soon be forgotten the simple banana Dan held in his hands would soon grow fangs it would become larger than the state of Illinois it would scream late into the night obscenities in some strange
Unknown banana tongue people would be terrorized to the point of insanity cult religions would spring up over night the men shaving their genitalia and painting their penises
Yellow white the women would don large leaden clubs which they would use to beat to their deaths the men whose penises were to small or not yellow enough the entire military might of the world would unite to try and destroy
Unsuccessfully this unnaturally large and pulpy fruit wounding and almost killing thousands of innocent bystanders
In the process millions of poems much unlike this one would be written and then discarded creating a major waste management crisis an international state of emergency would be declared at one point the president of the united nations would be seen running naked down fifth avenue peeing on cars and muttering something about Carmen Miranda but none of this had yet come to pass as Dan sat down that fine Christmas day morning to his usual bowl of Cornflakes and orange juice

Beans

Beans beans are the magical fruit the more you eat the more you toot
The more you too the better you feel so lets have beans with every meal
Now some people say beans make you fart all I know is beans keep making me fart
I got beans on my mind almost all the time and they're always coming out of my behind
But that don't matter much to me because beans are the greatest unequivocally

Now back in the west they put beans to the test
Grown men would say they'd put hair on your chest
They'd stay up all night just watching their cows
And eating as many beans as their stomach allowed
Even in the movies John Wayne could be seen
Shooting up the bad guys and eating chilly beans
Now everybody knew that he was good with a gun
But he had a secret weapon that was known to none
Now if the bad guys ever cornered the duke
He turn right around and use his big fart nuke
They'd all collapse because of the smell
Burn up on the spot and go straight to hell
The duke was a legend from his hat to his jeans
But he would've been a wimp if he hadn't ate his beans

Now beans'll go down in history cavemen where eating beans in 1,000,000 BC
In roman times they ate beans in a pot and Alexander the great was said to like 'em a lot
Napoleon, Martin Luther and Henry the eighth even Christopher Columbus thought beans were great
During the French revolution when times were lean Mary Antoinette said let then eat beans
Shakespeare was enjoying a big plate full of beans while writing a midsummer nights dream
And when he unleashed hamlet unto the scene the original words were "to bean or not to bean"

Now beans are loved all around the world in some countries they're worth more than pearls
In Mexico both girls and boys say jumping beans make damn good toys
The Japanese enjoy bean sushi while in England the queen likes beans with her tea
Germans like the beans with the sauerkraut while in Canada they like beans and trout
In Spain they like 'em hot and spicy but the Eskimos prefer 'em kinda cold and icy
France Japan Spain and Italy people eating beans a common sight to see
Except in old Russia where people got pissed cause they couldn't eat beans cause they were communist

I think beans might be an aphrodisiac after a helping of beans girls' jump right in the sack
Beans'll turn couples into real good lovers making love and passing wind underneath the covers
I get up for breakfast but I can't get up to eat cause there's too many farts underneath the sheets
Stinking up my room from wall to wall I have to use about a half a can of Lysol
But if I don't have any I say what the hell cause sometimes when I fart I kinda like the smell

Beatomatic

Music and lyrics by Bob Schneider

I am batman but you can call me Bob
And when I see the boy wonder I say yo rob
I used to wear a cape and do the leotard bit
But now I wear all serious because I don’t give a shit
I used to bust my butt all day fighting crime
But now I rock the house when I say my rhyme
I turn the whole damn house into a crazy mob
Because I’m batman but you can call me Bob

I'll tell you a little story that happened to me
You see me and robin were cruising down the street
In the batmobile with the lights turned low
A six pack on ice so we were ready to go
The batbox blastin out our old theme song and robin kept on passin me a serious bong
I took a couple of hits the next thing I know
This cop pulls me over to the side of the road
He said, yo what's yer name boy. God damn you look like a slob!
I said, I'm batman but you can call me Bob.

I turned to robin and I said its getting late
I got to find myself a woman before I hallucinate
We found this little place so we went inside
They carded robin at the door they asked his age and he lied
I went up to the bar and ordered myself a jack
That’s when I felt this tappin on the back of my back
I turned around and dropped my drink there was this girl in a mink
She was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever see I think
I turned to robin and I said yo this is rob
My name is batman but you can call me Bob

I promised to behave so we went back to my cave
She took one look at my place and she started to rave
She gave me a kiss and said I'll be right back
I’m gonna take off some clothes so that we can relax
She left the room for a minute so I threw on some tunes
I opened up the skylight so we could look at the moon
But when she came back in she had a whip in her hand
It turns out she was the black leotarded catwoman
She started chasing me around sayin she wanted me dead
I grabbed my batarang and hit her right in the head
She went out like a light I said oh man what a night
I took her to the station and they locked her up tight
The sergeant said son you did a real fine jog
I said I’m batman but you can call me Bob

Do you like the Beatomatic?

Bed Rope Crazy

By Bob Schneider

She shines in tiger whites and lily beats
Her strange desires' close to sweet
The anxious knots inside her pleats
Have gridlocked all her patterned streets

So snuff the flame and fan the fire
You just can't get much any higher
Burn and run and never tire
Jesus was a goddamned liar

You've got cows and I’ve got deer
Burn the bridge and bring the beer
You’re on top I’m in the rear
What we've got is hard and clear

Let's go walking on the lakes
Just hit the floor and fuck the brakes
Everybody raise your stakes
No ones getting angel cakes

You've been scared to be the boss
You'll never get your applesauce
All you've got is all you've lost
Spare the kid and cut the cost

You've been out in ankletights
You've been fishing for your rights
You've been losing all your kites
You've been smashing all your nights

While we've been having all the fun
In the Californian sun
I wish I had my loaded gun
I'm out of breath I’ve got to run

Cause what you're saying's anchor heavy
And what you are is extra chevy
So chase the flagpole round your days
I'm lazy lazy bed rope crazy

The Bee Got to Bumble

Lyrics by bob Schneider

The bee got to bumble
The dice they will tumble
The mountain will crumble
The thunder gonna rumble
And one of these days this poor boy'll be humble

I'll falter and fumble
& stutter and stumble
And one day even this bum'll be humble

The mushmouth may mumble
The bryan be gumble
The puzzle get jumbled
The weakling get pummeled
And one of these days this poor boy'll be humble

The taylor got thimble
I got to try and keep it simple
Noxema kill pimple
Yon young girl got dimple
And one of these days this poor boy'll be humble

Give me an inch
And oh its so hard
For this boy
Not to take yard
Humiliation rules my nation
It's on my every station
Until agitation's fucked up sensation
Causes revelation
And makes me change my situation
Revitalized, energized, hypnotized, maximized
I'm cut down to size and growing wiser
Join the chorus fuck the vizor
Feel the razor like a lazor
Cut me down to size
I see the prize before my eyes
A thousand times its been so clear
So warm & lovely sweet & near
I want it now & everyday
It's just so easy for me to say
But so hard just to believe
What people said its in my head
I am what i am and that is all
Humble me before i fall

Better

Music and lyrics by Bob Schneider
©1999 shockorama music pub.

To feel your poison tongue your winter lips upon me
To stain the floor with our bodies nothing could be...better
Baby so close to heaven do you like the way I dance I’m dancing for you and all I need is for you to make me feel...better
For if you drop me on the ground I don't know if I would bounce back or breakdown don't think I could feel any...better
All I want is a little more. All I need is your correction. All I have is nothing could be & nothing will be...better

Big Blue Sea

Woke up in a stupor
Guess it's time to face the pooper
Sometimes I feel like superman
Sometimes I’m just recuperating

My mind is twisting in its cage
My head feels like a twenty gage
I hope it's just a passing stage
My hearts not red it's beige

And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I know
I think I’ll tell you all that I know
I know I don't want to be alone I want to be a stone
Sink to the bottom of the ocean lie there till I’m gone

I tried to tell you all about it
I thought you might've heard I doubt it
Everyday’s a funeral
And everyday's a waste I know

I'm cutting out I’m feeling lost
I've lost my mind I’m Mr. Frost
I've collected all the evidence
I'm off the edge I’m on the fence

And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I know
I know I want to go with the flow
I wanna go home I want to be a stone
Sink to the bottom of the ocean lie around until I’m gone
At the bottom of the big blue sea
Just you and me

I know I’ll never know nobody
Better than I know myself
But I can't even figure out
Just what the hell I’m all about

I'm sinking, I’m swimming no wait a minute
I'm thinking I’m drowning no I’m not kidding
I believe I just might make it
Sometimes I do sometimes I fake it

And it's days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I’ll tell you all I know
Know I don't want to be alone
I wanna go home I want to be a stone
Sink to the bottom of the ocean lie around with you until I die
At the bottom of the big blue sea
Just you and me

Anywhere and everywhere
Made up my mind it's getting weird
It's queer to think it might not
Get much better than today I fear
I won't ever know true happiness
I tried so hard I did my best
But my best just wasn't good enough
I swear to god I hate this stuff

Big Butts and Blow Jobs

Lyrics by Bob Schneider

Big butts and blow jobs
They go together like
The sun and the sky
Like whiskey and rye
Like ice cream and pie
Like lovers and sighs
Big butts and blow jobs

Big butts and blow jobs
They go together like
The beach and suntan lotion
Like gypsies and magic potions
Like instant replays and slow motion
Like Jacque Cousteau and the ocean
Like whippersnappers and newfangled notions
Big butts and blow jobs

Big butts and blow jobs
They go together like
The birds and the trees
Like honey and bees
Like pretty and please
Like legbones and knees
Like toastbread and cheese
Like cowgirls and lees
Like deadbolts and keys
Like carrots and peas
Like sailors and seas
Like golfers and tees
Like vaginas and yeast
Like the beauty and beast
Like my baby like my baby
Like my baby and me

Big butts and blow jobs
Go together like
Politicians and lies
Like burgers and fries
Like hippies and tie-dyes
Like bikinis and thighs
Like bankers and ties
Like bakers and pies
Like cowturds and flies
Like mascara and eyes
Like hellos and goodbyes
Like my baby like my baby
Like my baby and I

Big Ole Monster

Lyrics by Bob Schneider

There’s a big ole monster
Coming over the mountain
I think that he sees me
I think that he needs me
Please don’t tease me
Please don’t please me
Please don’t eat me
With those big ole monster teeth
Please don’t teeth me
You big ole monster
Please don’t step on me
Please don’t squeeze me
Please believe me
That I bleed see
Please don’t please me
Please don’t tease me
You big ole monster

Big Wild World

With all the booze beer women and the heavy medication
Gonna have to take my self a mandatory vacation
Running out of time luck money and gin
The city of sin that was the city I was in
Cops where on my tail I might've landed in jail
It didn't matter much cause I was living in hell
And then the words my daddy once said to me
Started ringing in my ears and they set my ass free

It’s a big wild world and it'll knock you around
It’s a big wild world and it'll try to bring you down
It's a big wild world but it can't get to you
You got time and good friends on your side you can't lose

I know I called you angel and your name is lollita
I need a shot of tequila and a pint of abitta
I need a walker a stretcher I need an ambulance
I need your girlfriend to come over to my table and dance
I need a bottle of good whiskey and I’ll go with the flow
But now I can't remember what happened an hour a go
And then the words my daddy once said to me
Started ringing in my ears and they set my ass free

Now I’m a stranger in danger and I’m dangerously close
To being dangerously strange and strangerously dosed
I need a towel a haircut a shave and a smoke
I need a cafe please u me poorboy I need a little bourbon and cocaine

I turned to coco and I said its getting late
I gotta find me some salvation before its too damn late
We picked up snizz spooky tooth and the chops
Headed down to chopatoules singing no stops for pops
Ended up at Miss Mays for three days
And when we came to our senses we thought we'd change our ways
And then the words my daddy once said to me
Started ringing in my ears and they set my ass free

Blue

I've got a mad proposition
Put your heart on the line
Take it out of its shell
And I’ll give you mine

We'll ease into space
It's something to do
Come with me
We'll always be blue

We can start over
It's never to late
We get a second chance
Everyday

We'll ease into space
It's something to do
Come with me
We'll always be blue

Blue Skies for Everyone

Music & lyrics by Bob Schneider

Spit on the ground hold your breath
Try and scare yourself to death
Bury your bones under the dirt
Tear your heart out rip your shirt
Stomp your feet in disgust
Curse the gray sky if you must
But you'll find when you are done
They'll be blue skies for everyone

Drink your wine break your heart
Give up the race before you start
Drop your drawers roll around
Burn your house right to the ground
Go to sleep hit your head
Scream until your face is red
And you'll find when you are done
They'll be blue skies for everyone

Blue skies & setting suns
Cherry pies & bubblegum
Lullabies to come undone
Blue skies for everyone

So get right down on your luck
Spin your wheels until you're stuck
Wring the blood out let it dry
Stick a needle in your eye
Dry your tears and drop your drink
Let me tell you what I think
I think you'll find when you get done
They'll be blue skies for everyone

Bombananza

By Bob Schneider

When I saw you down at the lido
It was a hot Saturday night
You were on fire and I was burning up
But just one look from you
And I knew it would be alright

It was the Bombananza
Yeah yeah
The Bombananza
Oh oh
It was the Bombananza
Yeah yeah

Well the moon was in the ocean
But the stars were in your eyes
I thought my heart was lost forever
But just one kiss from you
And you brought it back to life

It was the Bombananza...

Some call it love some call it amore
That feeling that comes all over you
When your heart has come together
With someone else's heart
And it'll never come unglued

That's the Bombananza...

When she sees you and you see her
And its love. Love at first sight
And your heart goes pitter-patter
It goes boom boom boom boom boom
Boom all through the night

That's the Bombananza...

When the earth begins to tremble
And the ground begins to shake
And your heart's so filled with wonder
when it's so filled with love
That you think the thing might break

That's the Bombananza...

Bones

by Bob Schneider

Bruce lee pack punches like brown bag lunches
He get busy on the bad guy now why you wanna flow fly
Float like a butterfly sting you in the sphincter
I got flavor like jolly rancher be taking you out like cancer
Always got the answer I’m easy on the eye kid
Candy's what I taste like you're like a Madonna hybrid
Booty booty that's right be taking you out on fight night
Be flippin smith barney outa the back of the coupe your pants droop
Baggy baggy britches i'll be leavin you in stitches
I knew this chic in pasadena'd grant me sixty-nine wishes
Now you're waiting on your savior trying to change your behavior
Cause nineteen ninety nine be rollin out the box soon exavior
Hollander the prostitute be booty bangin out the chute
Be lookin good in a three piece honey but baby you're so wack you got

Bones
Skeletons in the closet
Everybody's got some
But seein is believin and I think I’ve seen enough of your bones

Stick it in your wallet call it whatever you want to call it
In the business they call me sire I ain't ready to retire
Buster good stuff baby baby oh you drive me crazy
I been shaving my pussy clean for years cause that’s the way you likes
Button down I’m off the hook marylin manson got the look
You wanna party with ole king pancho you know that I am the head honcho
Oh yeah I’m ready ready now get set don’t fret my punch goes pow
I’m a lover not a buster baby don’t kick me in my nuts I got bones

Pussy gonna getcha if you don’t watch it it’ll let ya
Throw your pride right down the drain you got that pussy on the brain
Babylon five Mr. goodbar in bangelamaine chasing the dragon your wagons sagging I think you know what I’m sayin
I’m saying your fishin for fanny spankin your monkey manny
Mostly in it for fun but now everybody’s granny got the goods
You know she had to you know she had your daddy
She be acting all sweet and nice now but back in the day she was baddy she got bones

That guy I saw you with last night you say he’s just a friend
But when you came home late last night your face it smelled like cock again
Baby your playing me saying to me that you’ll be true to me
Saying girls just want to have fun baby I've got to run
Damnit I dig it I stick it I hit it I quit it
I love it when you roll it out the box and let me lick
But baby I’m done I’m through with those crazy things you do
I ax you what that stuff was on your titties you say its glue
Aha oh yeah alright cant take another night
I’m lateriffic out the door cant see you anymore you got bones

Boom Boom Baby

Music and lyrics by Bob Schneider

I’m gonna come over baby tonight
Tie you down tie you down to your bed and treat you like you like
Rub your belly rub your leg
Lick the inside of your ear until you start to beg
Lick your pussy kiss your lips
Lick your bady baby from your toes to your fingertips
Talk dirty to you talk to you nice
Gonna make your body tingle baby gonna make it tingle twice
Gonna fuck you so hard that you’ll say don’t stop
Gonna have your pussy going snap crackle pop pop pop
Bam damn I’m the kinda man
That’s gonna have you beggin me to put my dick in your hand
And you know it ain’t a play toy but baby it’ll do
Because you want me to come I’m gonna cum all over you
I know during the day you’re gonna act all proper
But baby late at night you’re a showstopper
You’re just a dirty girl with a dirty mind
I’m gonna bend you over baby and show me your behind
I’m gonna make you do the nasty things you only think about
There ain’t another like me baby who knows just how to turn you out
Cause baby I’ve got the touch
I’m gonna give you so much

I ain’t your daddy I’m your lover
I’m a mac motherfucker like no other
I got the boom boom baby
That you like

I’m gonna come over baby tonight
Lay you down lay you down and treat you like you like
While your parents are asleep I’m gonna sneak into your room
And give you some of that boom boom boom
I’m gonna kiss ya lick ya suck ya fuck ya spank ya chew ya stroke ya screw ya do ya
Take you from behind and on top and underneath
And from the side tongue your nipples with my teeth
Rub your belly rub your back
Rub you just right and rub you round the track
I’ll rub your pussy till its steaming
I’m gonna get you so hot that baby you’ll be screaming
Screaming baby baby baby please
You got to give it to me now I'll give it to on my knees
Cause I’m a brother with connection
I’m gonna give your lovely pussy an erection
Wait correction I'll make you holler
I'd be a rich motherfucker if I only had a dollar
And you’ll be rubbing yourself while your driving
Home hopin that your daddy'll be arriving
Home soon baby when I said I was gonna fuck ya
I didn’t mean I was gonna fuck ya up it meant
I was gonna fuck your brains out
And give you something you’ll want again and again
Its terribly cold inside your grip
The lessons learned the arrows whip
She said she wouldn’t be bastardized
She said the world’s a big surprise
The one and only superman
A corpse inside an empty land
The haunted reign of everyone
To tie apart and slay the sun
And can you sink a target flower
The shank the fryer every hour
The time is up the game is tweaked
The angels groped and slightly freaked
All the cats she knew are barren
And saddled out the one called Sharon
A memory a ghost of blood
And then to land upon the shore
The eight ball’s sunk the game still played
The one they call the dragonmaid
The answers known are guesses still
The surface cost the score is nil
Sit back and laugh and row the boat
The stream will take your overcoat
And Nancy fears the battleground
The world is red and flat and round
The world is sunk inside its shell
There is a heaven and a hell
And nowhere felt the needles grin
And inside you and left within
The magic’s rope and singing stone
And there they go to find alone
She’ll tear this beast a ghastly hole
To linger far beyond her soul
And nothing’s left outside this dream
The maker casts his molten scream
The maker whose sweet smile’s been missed
To spray the air and train with bliss
It doesn’t much make any sense
And doesn’t count the ambulance
And doesn’t freeze the soft bouquet
And sweeps the veil around the gray
Entire worlds have gone astray
And if you can then that’s o.k.
Cause nowhere and the seas a map
And then they’ll fill you of crap
And they the ones who took their turn
To light the sky with orangy worm
It rhymes it cancelled everything
I’m not quite ready yet to sing

Brand New Life

It's a beautiful day to start a brand new life
Rolling out the monkey tree picking roses from the sky

Buy a house in the country wearing such luxurious clothes
Oh I’ll be so happy oh how nobody knows

It's a beautiful new day I’ll start a brand new life
Buy a big beautiful car buy a big beautiful wife

Live out on some remote island out in the Pacific Ocean
Lay naked in the sand
Maybe paint some pictures of some local island girls
Like my man gaugin

It's a beautiful day to start all over again
Pick up some brand new teeth pick up some brand new friends

Have dinner with the president of the United States smoking Cuban cigars
Ride in the back of the presidential limousine
Where its strictly champagne steak & caviar

Its a beautiful day and there's so much to do
Gotta change my name I gotta learn kung fu (change my history too)

Maybe I can have some operation that'll let me forget
Everything goddamn thing that's ever happened in my life aaah man I’d be set

Its a beautiful day way up in the sky
Where the angels sleep that's where I want to lie

Gonna be a big timer gonna blow up the bank
When I take home the gold I’ll have myself to thank

Its a beautiful day everything is alright
It's a beautiful day I think I’ll start a new life

Don't wanna talk to nobody oh ever again
Don't wanna leave my room don't want this dream to end

Budokahn

Shudokahn at the budokahn
Flippin burgers down at wendy's trying to get my groove on
My sphincter's clenched up tight
Your looks only wet my appetite
Realized I was vaporized
Headed out the door I like to think I’m specialized in
Pleasures what you give you give it good too
My buddy Mr. muddy not that kung fu
And that genetic quite frenetic
Alley oops down at the clinic
Riddic Bo ain't got the glow he got the show right
Ain't sweatin ho's I’m getting rows up in the spotlight
So baby believe me when I say we're gonna take it to the top this ain't no orville redenbocker more like a pan of jiffy pop
I can't be stopped but I can slow it down and give you what you need
You know I’m built for comfort not for speed

Caramel groove hotel
If you got a lot of money you might go to hell
I got a magic proposition from the mission
Kickin back and checkin out that x-ray vision
Jamilicious it was so delicious just grant me all I thinks I want and I will do the dishes
I'm burly in a hurry I ain't no klingon
You haunt me if you want me well then bring on that
Genetic quite frenetic
Alley oops down at the clinic
Riddic Bo ain't got the glow he got the show right
Ain't sweatin ho's I’m getting rows up in the spotlight
So baby believe me when I say we're gonna take it to the top this ain't no Orville Redenbacher more like a pan of jiffy pop
I can't be stopped but I can slow it down and give you what you need
You know I’m built for comfort not for speed

Gatorade was the mistake I made while I was traveling round the country trying to get the music played because I grabbed the wrong bottle with the urine
Took a big thick chug and got my cure on
The rollercoaster with the holly ghosta burnt up all the toast on the coast like we's s'posed ta
Give ya little something for the back up
You know I’ve done the math it doesn’t stack up

Bullet Proof Body Rubber

Lyrics by Bob Schneider

I don’t want no h.i.v.
I don’t want no bullets inside of me
I don’t want no d.w.i.
I don’t want satan sticking that fork in my big eye

I don’t need no driveby in front of my crib
I don’t need your father to find out what I did
Last night with you baby in the back of that cab
In fact I don’t even want to meet your dad

I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device
Something that’ll let me park my car
When I’m fucked up in the middle of the night
I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device
Something that’ll let me park my car
When I’m fucked up in the middle of the night
Call you up the next day and act real nice

I don’t want to live on the mean streets of Chicago
I don’t want you to call me Bobo
I don’t need to watch t.v. twenty four hours a day
I don’t need some motherfucking ad exec trying to tell me what to say

I need a little more gravy on my potato
I need a little more pepper on my big ole pink tomato
I need a little more treble in my stereo
I need a little more blonde in my haireeeooo

I need a risk free money back guarantee
Don’t need no problems hounding me
I need to make sure my girlfriend’s not got mafia ties
Don’t need nobody coming after me
I need to make sure that I keep my door locked try to keep my gun stocked try to keep it cocked try to keep it from firing
Late at night at my head when I’m in bed trying not to think about the things that I said to you yesterday

Bullets

I gotta freak I gotta flow
I gotta throw my ass overboard don't you know
The tip I’m on yeah it's the bomb
Did I ever tell you that you look a lot like my mom
Yeah and your smart I can tell you pull me apart as well
And then you put me back together hey hey don't break my heart and sell it for
Ice cream and fudge give me a nudge
Yeah is it live or is it dope honey I’m not the kind to judge

If you got the bullets I got the time
You bring the bullets I’ll bring the wine
You bring your bullets I’ll bring my bat
I can tell you where it is but I can't tell you where it's at

Now money honey's your only friend
You know your friends may take a walk but money'll be there till the end
You're in a spin it ain't no sin
To drink some gin and have yourself some fun oh every now and again
Oh man I’m bleeding so I’m going to bed bro
Because the mad hatter's crazy and having a party in my head and though
I don't mind big baby 'm getting sleepy
And baby that look that you've been giving me is getting kinda creepy

If you got the bullets I got the time
You bring the bullets I’ll bring the wine
You bring your bullets I’ll bring my bat
Let's get the hell out of town before they find out where we're at
I can tell you where it is but I can't tell you where it's at

And I gotta pig p it wears a wig see
It tells me every single morning boy you're going to be big b
It's kinda cutie it plays the flute g
And yeah a flute playing wig wearing pig's a fucking hootie
I ain't no blowfish I'm light as air so
I've got a million dollar smile and I take it everywhere I go
But you know I keep it hidden deep inside my big ole head
And I only take it out at night when I’m alone in bed

Burn California Burn

In the sunset sky
I watch the flames float by
When will you learn?
Burn California burn

Straight whiskey & rye
Watching a million people die
Watching the tables turn
Burn California burn

Put on your suntan lotion
Let's all drive into the ocean
We’ll watch the whole world squirm
Running round & round your head
Just hold on until your dead
Burn California burn

I’m losing my mind
Leaving all my friends behind
But I’m not too unconcerned
Burn California burn

Fat cats on dope
A world without hope
So go ahead and eat the worm
Burn California burn

Buttpussy

Lyrics by Bob Schneider

Went to jail for nine years
Too many lonely nights too many tears
Found I didn’t much like my peers
They kept poking me in my rear

Buttpussy
Yeah yeah yeah
Buttpussy
Yeah

Met a man named bubba stood six foot three
Told me that he’d take good care of me
At first he seemed like the pleasant sort
Until he docked his dick in my mud port

Buttpussy
Yeah yeah yeah
Buttpussy
Yeah

Now I see my momma every once in a while
She’ll ask me how I’m doing and I try to smile
I try to act like I’m not so goddamn pissed
But it’s hard when your butt stretch out to the size of a fist

Buttpussy
Yeah yeah yeah
Buttpussy
Yeah

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